Let’s just say it clearly. I hate confrontation.

I don’t like yelling, nasty comments, or being in trouble. I don’t like dealing with trouble, or awkward situations where “things need to be said”. Wherever possible I completely avoid confrontation. There’s nothing worse than getting caught up in a shouting match. The thought of getting into confrontation over things is enough to seriously freak me out. I’ll do pretty much anything to avoid a conflict.

It wasn’t always like this, don’t get me wrong. I had my fair share of shouting matches with my siblings when I was growing up, and could really yell at my mum when I wanted to. I probably had several people’s share of arguments, actually!

But since being at Uni and “becoming an adult” I’ve developed an actual phobia of confrontation! Even when it’s nothing to do with me, I feel responsible and involved, and it makes me really anxious. Let’s not even go into how horrible I feel when I actually am involved – it’s the worst.

The thing is, avoiding confrontation is difficult when a large part of my job is working with teenagers, who do stupid or nasty things and need to be told off.

I diskike telling people off almost as much as I dislike being told off.

It makes me feel like a horrible person! I have discovered that, while I don’t yell, my “social worker” voice is just as effective at getting the point across. Believe me, if it gets so bad that I use *that* voice, you are in trouble.

What the kids don’t see, is that while I’m being stern Ms Social Worker I’m actually trying very hard not to let my voice shake, or my hands shake. Because I really really hate confrontation!

I’m learning, because dealing with confrontation is a skill that I have to develop. Not only in my professional life, although that is really important, but in my “real life” too – for years I’ve run and hid from controntation, trying to do anything and everything to avoid it but all this does is make the underlying situation worse and then *that conversation* is that much harder.

This also goes for confronting issues in my relationship with God. God is always consistent, and whatever happens in my life is in His control. Sometimes He wants to challenge me, and confronts me with things in myself that He wants to change or deal with. How many times have I hidden my head in the sand? Lots.

The answer must be down here somewhere

I’m trying not to do it anymore, because God knows my heart and only works for my good. It’s a hard learning curve, but it will be worth it in the end. Ostriches never prosper, and have to pull their heads out of the sand eventually.

-x-

(yes, the other day I was an tree and today I’m an ostrich…I like metaphors, they work for me!)

 

 

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I did plan to blog last night, but I was on call for work and ended up being called out at 9.30pm to go looking for two of our girls who’d done a runner earlier in the day. I’m now on first name terms with most of the responders at the Ashford Police Control Centre. I didn’t get home til 1.30am and then had to call social workers and police etc. Wandering around Margate at midnight is not the greatest. My job is fun.

Actually, that’s not intended to be sarcastic. It’s hard to have context on screen. I genuinely do love my job; my mum asked me the other day if this is what I expected it to be – and it pretty much is. The high intensity, fast-paced days and having to think on my feet; I do like it. Better a busy day with lots to do than a really quiet day where all my work is done by lunch.

Having said that, falling into bed at 2am and not being able to sleep til 3am because my mind was all wired meant that I slept through my alarm til 10am, and was consequently 2 hours late for Impact today. Thankfully everyone was very gracious! I’m just hoping that it doesn’t all happen again tonight, because I’m meant to be up at 6am tomorrow!

Not posting yesterday meant no Memory Verse Monday…but in our Impact team meeting Roger read out Romans 15:13 to encourage us all, and so I’m taking God’s hint and that will be my memory verse for the week.

“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.”

Last month I did a focused study on joy and then later we discussed the idea of joy and happiness in our Impact study time. It’s something that’s on my mind a lot recently – something I struggle with, really. But then a while I was browsing online and found a poem that I really love. It’s by a guy called Charles Thomas (C.T) Studd, who was a missionary to China in the 1800’s. I think it’s amazing, and I’ll just end this post by saying: this is the way I hope to live my life.

“Two little lines I heard one day,
Traveling along life’s busy way;
Bringing conviction to my heart,
And from my mind would not depart;
Only one life, ’twill soon be past,
Only what’s done for Christ will last.

Only one life, yes only one,
Soon will its fleeting hours be done;
Then, in ‘that day’ my Lord to meet,
And stand before His Judgement seat;
Only one life,’twill soon be past,
Only what’s done for Christ will last.

Only one life, the still small voice,
Gently pleads for a better choice
Bidding me selfish aims to leave,
And to God’s holy will to cleave;
Only one life, ’twill soon be past,
Only what’s done for Christ will last.

Only one life, a few brief years,
Each with its burdens, hopes, and fears;
Each with its clays I must fulfill,
living for self or in His will;
Only one life, ’twill soon be past,
Only what’s done for Christ will last.

When this bright world would tempt me sore,
When Satan would a victory score;
When self would seek to have its way,
Then help me Lord with joy to say;
Only one life, ’twill soon be past,
Only what’s done for Christ will last.

Give me Father, a purpose deep,
In joy or sorrow Thy word to keep;
Faithful and true what e’er the strife,
Pleasing Thee in my daily life;
Only one life, ’twill soon be past,
Only what’s done for Christ will last.

Oh let my love with fervor burn,
And from the world now let me turn;
Living for Thee, and Thee alone,
Bringing Thee pleasure on Thy throne;
Only one life, “twill soon be past,
Only what’s done for Christ will last.

Only one life, yes only one,
Now let me say,”Thy will be done”;
And when at last I’ll hear the call,
I know I’ll say “twas worth it all”;
Only one life,’twill soon be past,
Only what’s done for Christ will last. ”

— extra stanza —

Only one life, ’twill soon be past,
Only what’s done for Christ will last.
And when I am dying, how happy I’ll be,
If the lamp of my life has been burned out for Thee.”