misdirected emotions

I am a great example of how to display an emotion completely separate from what I m actually feeling. I have written before that I can be an ostrich when it comes to emotions and feelings but I also have a knack for completely dwelling on something minor as a way to distract myself from what I’m really feeling.

Case in point: about 2 hours ago I said goodbye to my wonderful American friends. I just about held the tears back as the kids all got emotional and as they prayed for me and told me their favourite things about my visit. I felt so sad to be leaving that I wanted to tell Rachel to turn the car around and I would just stay forever!

(But of course I didn’t and I said goodbye at the bus stop with a huge knot in my tummy and a lump in my throat from trying so hard not to lose it)

So then I spent an hour on the bus trying not to cry, reading my Bible and praying and looking at pictures. By the time I got to the airport I still felt sad but I was thankful for my time with the Libbys.

Then I checked in and my bag was too heavy and I had to pay the excess fee and instead of being my usual practical self and rearranging items between my carry-ons to make my check-in lighter I just went ahead and paid the whole charge! Which left me kicking myself all through Security for not making a wise decision.

Of course, I got so frustrated with myself over it because I didn’t want to think about what I was missing with Rachel and the kids.

I really had to fight to let go of that frustration and not let it take away from the joyful time I’ve had. Seriously, I’ve just had 2 wonderful weeks with some of my favourite people and I’m going to dwell on an insignificant thing like paying a baggage charge?!

How could my heart and head be so ungrateful so suddenly. It honestly took a lot of prayer and thanking God for all blessings of the last two weeks to make me see that while yes, maybe I made a silly split second decision, but it was even sillier to let it spoil my heart.

In the end I was thanking God that he provided me with enough spending money in my purse that I could pay the charge in cash and still have enough for a Starbucks while I wait for my boarding time. He didn’t have to provide that, but He did, because He loves me.

One thing I am taking away from this experience is to always have a thankful heart even when you feel silly or frustrated with your situation, because there are too many blessings to count if you look for them.

The other thing I am taking away from this is to be more wware of what I am feeling and why. This has always been a thing for me, and I have to constantly examine myself: what am I feeling, why am I feeling that way? But now I also need to challenge myself to change my attitude if it is not right and focused on God.

Such deep thoughts whilst sat at Gate D11. I have another hour or so until my flight starts boarding so I think I will head around the concourse in search of that Starbucks!

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Day 14: A place you want to travel

There are many, many places in the world that I want to travel. For example, I want to drive a VW bus across America; all 50 states.

But one place came to mind with this blog prompt. A little town I saw on Top Gear (of all places). They started a race here, or raced through here, I don’t know.

It’s a town called Basel, and it’s in Switzerland.

I know nothing about this town. Absolutely zero. It could be a hideous place. They might hate 22 year old British tourists who have a passion for good tea and pretty buildings…or it might be the best place ever.

It definitely looks like my kind of town:

It’s just so pretty! Maybe one day I’ll get there.

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Holiday!

I’m in the Cotswolds…so far we’ve taken about 200 photos between us and have had a ton of fun already. I love it. Time with my family like this is great…it’s been a few months since we were all together (and still not completely together cos my brother had to leave before I could get here) but it’s relaxed and fun and the weather is great too which helps.

I managed to get here with only the directions printed from the internet, since the cigarette charger socket thing in my car seems to have died and the battery on the satnav had run out. I’m very impressed with myself! I think it helped that I was at a wedding only about an hour from here on Saturday, so I vaguely recognised the turn offs etc. It felt quite annoying really; Thame (where I was) is off junction 7 of the M40, and the turnoff I needed was junction 8. But, it was worth going back to Canterbury on Saturday night – not that it was optional – because Sunday was the last Sunday of my Impact year.

It’s officially done…though I still need to hand back my keys. I don’t think it’s sunk in yet…it probably will over the next few days, or if not, when holiday is done. I think I’m still running on adrenaline at the moment!

I am going to try and upload some photos and video tomorrow…we have so many weird shots already that my memory card was full so I’ve transferred all my images onto the computer already.

I’m having a blast…and still 4 days to go here 🙂

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