misdirected emotions

I am a great example of how to display an emotion completely separate from what I m actually feeling. I have written before that I can be an ostrich when it comes to emotions and feelings but I also have a knack for completely dwelling on something minor as a way to distract myself from what I’m really feeling.

Case in point: about 2 hours ago I said goodbye to my wonderful American friends. I just about held the tears back as the kids all got emotional and as they prayed for me and told me their favourite things about my visit. I felt so sad to be leaving that I wanted to tell Rachel to turn the car around and I would just stay forever!

(But of course I didn’t and I said goodbye at the bus stop with a huge knot in my tummy and a lump in my throat from trying so hard not to lose it)

So then I spent an hour on the bus trying not to cry, reading my Bible and praying and looking at pictures. By the time I got to the airport I still felt sad but I was thankful for my time with the Libbys.

Then I checked in and my bag was too heavy and I had to pay the excess fee and instead of being my usual practical self and rearranging items between my carry-ons to make my check-in lighter I just went ahead and paid the whole charge! Which left me kicking myself all through Security for not making a wise decision.

Of course, I got so frustrated with myself over it because I didn’t want to think about what I was missing with Rachel and the kids.

I really had to fight to let go of that frustration and not let it take away from the joyful time I’ve had. Seriously, I’ve just had 2 wonderful weeks with some of my favourite people and I’m going to dwell on an insignificant thing like paying a baggage charge?!

How could my heart and head be so ungrateful so suddenly. It honestly took a lot of prayer and thanking God for all blessings of the last two weeks to make me see that while yes, maybe I made a silly split second decision, but it was even sillier to let it spoil my heart.

In the end I was thanking God that he provided me with enough spending money in my purse that I could pay the charge in cash and still have enough for a Starbucks while I wait for my boarding time. He didn’t have to provide that, but He did, because He loves me.

One thing I am taking away from this experience is to always have a thankful heart even when you feel silly or frustrated with your situation, because there are too many blessings to count if you look for them.

The other thing I am taking away from this is to be more wware of what I am feeling and why. This has always been a thing for me, and I have to constantly examine myself: what am I feeling, why am I feeling that way? But now I also need to challenge myself to change my attitude if it is not right and focused on God.

Such deep thoughts whilst sat at Gate D11. I have another hour or so until my flight starts boarding so I think I will head around the concourse in search of that Starbucks!

-x-

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“Submit to God. Resist the Devil and he will flee from you”

That verse is from James 4:7. It’s been my memory verse for the past two weeks and has had the most impact on me of my memory verse ‘challenge.

I think it is because it is so short, yet encompasses a whole lot:

Submission is almost always viewed as a negative thing – implying a bad inequality, being forced to take a lesser position thann someone else, but the truth is, in submission to God, we receive total freedom!

How much power does it take to resist the Devil?

It takes so much of our strength that scripture says it is impossible to do it by ourselves. WE NEED GOD. We can do ALL things through him – but only through Him.

In submitting to God, we don’t lose anything – we gain complete power to resist the Devil. WOW! How outstanding is that?!

This past week I have started my day by saying a really short prayer that I wrote out and blu-tacked onto the chest of drawers by my bed – it’s almost the first thing I see and in saying it every day I have really noticed a difference in the way that I feel throughout the rest of the day: as someone with a tendency to feel pretty low (particularly at certain *times of the month* – girls have emotions, it’s a fact)

The truth is; while it is hard to submit (especially for a crazy type-A personality like me) – it’s simply impossible to live without God – he is the provider, the sustainer, the Father, the One who knows me…and by HIS power I can resist the Devil. *whoop!*

James 4:7… Submit to God. Resist the Devil and he will flee from you.

Philippians 4:13… I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me