misdirected emotions

I am a great example of how to display an emotion completely separate from what I m actually feeling. I have written before that I can be an ostrich when it comes to emotions and feelings but I also have a knack for completely dwelling on something minor as a way to distract myself from what I’m really feeling.

Case in point: about 2 hours ago I said goodbye to my wonderful American friends. I just about held the tears back as the kids all got emotional and as they prayed for me and told me their favourite things about my visit. I felt so sad to be leaving that I wanted to tell Rachel to turn the car around and I would just stay forever!

(But of course I didn’t and I said goodbye at the bus stop with a huge knot in my tummy and a lump in my throat from trying so hard not to lose it)

So then I spent an hour on the bus trying not to cry, reading my Bible and praying and looking at pictures. By the time I got to the airport I still felt sad but I was thankful for my time with the Libbys.

Then I checked in and my bag was too heavy and I had to pay the excess fee and instead of being my usual practical self and rearranging items between my carry-ons to make my check-in lighter I just went ahead and paid the whole charge! Which left me kicking myself all through Security for not making a wise decision.

Of course, I got so frustrated with myself over it because I didn’t want to think about what I was missing with Rachel and the kids.

I really had to fight to let go of that frustration and not let it take away from the joyful time I’ve had. Seriously, I’ve just had 2 wonderful weeks with some of my favourite people and I’m going to dwell on an insignificant thing like paying a baggage charge?!

How could my heart and head be so ungrateful so suddenly. It honestly took a lot of prayer and thanking God for all blessings of the last two weeks to make me see that while yes, maybe I made a silly split second decision, but it was even sillier to let it spoil my heart.

In the end I was thanking God that he provided me with enough spending money in my purse that I could pay the charge in cash and still have enough for a Starbucks while I wait for my boarding time. He didn’t have to provide that, but He did, because He loves me.

One thing I am taking away from this experience is to always have a thankful heart even when you feel silly or frustrated with your situation, because there are too many blessings to count if you look for them.

The other thing I am taking away from this is to be more wware of what I am feeling and why. This has always been a thing for me, and I have to constantly examine myself: what am I feeling, why am I feeling that way? But now I also need to challenge myself to change my attitude if it is not right and focused on God.

Such deep thoughts whilst sat at Gate D11. I have another hour or so until my flight starts boarding so I think I will head around the concourse in search of that Starbucks!


A girl and her smartphone

I have had the same  useless old phone for the past two years. The camera on it broke almost immediately but Virgin wouldn’t replace it because they are useless like that. While everyone else has been raving about their smartphones I’ve been plodding along with my little brick of a Nokia…

Until last week that is!! My contract finally ended just before Christmas and I now have a shiny Samsung Galaxy S3 Mini in blue. It’s beautiful!  So far I’m not completely addicted to it; in fact it really winds me up that I can’t turn it off! It seems like a flaw to me, making a phone that doesn’t want to ring the alarm unless it’s turned on.  I haven’t really slept properly in the week I’ve had it because I don’t like leaving stuff plugged in overnight.

On the plus side, it has an amazing camera, I’m on a great tariff with unlimited internet and it has all the Apps I’ve been hearing about for YEARS!

And as a matter of fact I have just typed out this whole post on my phone. Painstakingly tapping away on my little touchscreen…what a techie I am


Last training and a trip to Minor Injuries

This week we had our final Impact training block…I can’t quite believe that it’s over, as it feels like there is still so much to learn and I’m just getting excited about it again! 😦

We had a rocky start on Monday morning (never put petrol into a diesel engine!) as we had to call out the RAC and be taken to a garage to have the engine completely drained and sorted,  but were on the road by 9.30am and arrived in really good time, at 11am  – walking into the training room to see Liam Thatcher throwing balloons at the group and yelling things like “GRACE”, “POWER”, “EVERY SPIRITUAL BLESSING!”. It was weird. But later made sense, as we were studying Ephesians. Which may be one of my favourite books (although this accolade is bestowed on each new book I read, so will probably change again next week!)

Tuesday was a day on practical (and prophetic) evangelism, which incorporated an afternoon of ‘treasure hunting’ in the centre of East Grinstead. Definitely a challenge to my security in my Father, as you have to really lay yourself on the line in going up and talking to people. It was incredible though, I got to pray with a teenage girl whose mum has heart failure and we were able to encourage her to go to the New Life youth group as well. It was fun, after all the anxieties earlier in the day.

Tuesday evening we had a really fun social time, possibly the last one where we’ll all be together and we ate pizza and played Mafia (I was a Mafia, and I genuinely suck at it because I’m not a very good liar and when I get accused I can’t bluff it out very well!!)

And then Wednesday, our final day, was on Church Planting. It was alternately terrifying and faith building, which I think is a pretty good balance really. I felt very encouraged and inspired, though I don’t feel I’m called to church plant now I am completely open to God preparing me and refining me for whatever He wants…and the day’s training made me feel much more excited about the possibility of doing it one day. And the guy, Steve Petch, who did the training also did a very cool study of 1, 2 and 3 John to give us some ideas about church planting through those letters. I’ve never really heard teaching on 2 or 3 John (we’re doing a series on 1 John at InVision right now) and it was really cool to see how they fit together and what their purpose was in that time. It made a lot of sense. Maybe the Johns are my favourite books!

In other news this week: I had to visit the Minor Injuries Department today because I managed to squash my finger between two massive, heavy catering trolleys and I’ve got a “deep, wide, oozing laceration”. I’ve been steri-stripped, glued and bandaged to within an inch of my life! And I managed to nearly faint twice, even though I’m usually great at blood-situations! (As evidenced by yesterday, when I helped Philippa and Chris at their 5yo son’s birthday party and his friend ran at full-pelt into a screen door, and bounced off it with a waterfall of blood gushing from his poor nose. Apparently I’m calm under pressure, as long as the blood flowing is not my own…then I become a nauseated, near fainting wuss!)