a little bird in a little cage

Years ago during a prayer time God gave me a picture to help me understand my life. It was of a little bird in a little cage, a beautiful gilded cage.

Everyone could see and admire the bird, and the bird could see the world outside…but always the cage separated them

At that time God showed me that when I accepted Him into my heart and was saved, it was like the door of that little cage opening and the bird being set free.

BUT in my life, even though the door was open, the little bird wouldn’t fly out of her cage because the world around her was too scary; the wind mmight blow too hard, the people might not like her colours or her song, a fierce cat might hurt her.

And so this little birdie stayed in her cage, afraid.

Over the years God has given me the strength to overcome those fears and in certain situations, I feel so confident putting myself out there. I love these times.

At others though, I feel like I’m stood at the door of the cage willing myself to step out and yet I stay completely still – or worse, retreat to the back of the cage where no one can hurt me.

I hate this fear if man that is still in me.

No matter how much Scripture I read, or how many times I pray about it sometimes I feel so overwhelmed I could just bawl. Except I wouldn’t because even showing that weakness makes me fearful.

These are the things I think of late at night. I know the only place to go is the Cross. I know that Jesus’ blood freed me from sin and death. But I still feel captive and I don’t really know, at this precise moment, where to go from here.

For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery. (Galatians 5:1)

-x-

Advertisements

we went to Canada...

On Sunday this week we took a trip to Yarrow, British Colombia, CANADA! Rachel used to live in this town when she was younger and we stayed with the Bournes, her family friends. We drove up on Sunday night and it took 7 hours, and stayed til Tuesday. It took us 9 hours to drive home since we hit Seattle at rush hour! (But that was fine since Rachel got a great shot of the Space Needle for me!)

We had a great time in Canada. After Rachel and David and the kids went to see her Grandpa in his nursing home, we went to a cool little town called Harrison Hot Springs which is named for this little hot spring…except you can’t see the Spring.

We walked around this little lake, and I took this picture of the amazing mountain! It was a great walk, I talked with Hopey about the Queen and the Royal family and she told me all about how Rachel and David set up this sweet surprise for her so she could watch the Royal Wedding when it happened. She knows tons about William and Kate and Prince George!

After our walk we got coffee and hot chocolate, and then went home to Auntie Rosie’s to watch Frozen!

I am amazed by Auntie Rosie’s hospitality! She had all seven of us to stay for two days and she was so unstressed! She made amazing breakfasts and dinners, and made cookies and muffins, and just was so full of the joy of the Lord! I want to be like her when I grow up.

We got home late last night and it has rained all day today so we have watched movies, Rachel and I both had some Bible time, and some Pinterest time, I did some writing with Lily, and played Dobble with Sunday.

Tonight David is away at a conference so Rachel and I are having a girl’s night with takeout and a movie! Exciting!

2 opportunities

Today was like any other day. I was stressed out. I had that horrible knotted, tense feeling in my tummy that I get when I have several dozen things to do all very urgently, and not enough time to do them in.

Most stressful was this huge response document I have been working on, for an important case. I had a 19 different points to respond to, and it was all going fairly well until point 14, where I had to track down an email from March last year.

I couldn’t find it.

I searched the proper file, as it would have been printed off and filed. It wasn’t there. I checked all of the “sent items” mailboxes on our office computers. It wasn’t there. In a moment of panic I remembered that in April we updated our main computer – our main mailbox – and in the process lost lots of sent emails. My email. My very important email. I could have cried.

In my despair I prayed silently that I would find it. [I know it’s *just* an email, but it’s pretty vital for this case I am working on]

But then a colleague suggested I check my manager’s computer – the only computer in the office I hadn’t checked, because it is so rare for me to use it. But my colleague reminded me that my manager was off sick in March last year, and due to having students with us, and not enough computers, I spent several weeks working at her desk.

I checked. It was there. I could have cried.

Not even kidding, I bounced around the office like Tigger with a sugar rush, I was so happy.
excited Tigger
I told every single colleague that I had found my email. Some of them didn’t know I was looking, but were very pleased for me nonetheless. In my joy I said “Praise God” and promptly got some funny looks. My colleagues know I’m a Christian but I don’t usually say things like that.

I’m more of a witness by actions, than words. (Cop out, yes, but true)

So they looked at me, and I thought “oh. What do I say now?!” And I just simply said “I prayed and now I found it”. My colleagues smiled, and that was it.

Opportunity knocked and I answered.

And then…

later in the day, I was in the Admin office with my lovely colleague who I really like because she is just lovely, and my other equally lovely colleague was there too. I don’t remember what I did/said that prompted it, but lovely colleague #1 asked me “Sarah, are you always just really nice?” I had to think about it. Because I don’t think I am.

I get stroppy, and frustrated, and I think mean things (even though I don’t always say them), and lately I have been very gossipy, and I get grumpy and impatient when I am stressed out, and I can definitely be a Mean Girl (if only in my head)

imagesRQTV2J13

But I try not to and I say sorry to God (and others if needed) when I don’t act in a way that honours Him (or them)

So I answered honestly: I try to be nice, but I don’t always manage it. They asked if I got angry and just wanted to shout and swear at people, and I explained that’s how I used to be before I became a Christian.

Then my sweet colleagues were ever so sweet and said lots of lovely things that I’m not going to type out because it makes me sound big-headed.

So today I had two simple opportunities to share my faith and trust in my Saviour, and on my drive home I thanked God for the difference in me now, knowing him, compared to before I became a Christian.

And that’s all I wanted to share today

-x-

being Auntie Sarah

How cute is this little cherub? Emily is the absolutely charming and lovely 12 week old daughter of my friends Aaron and Debs. In the last few weeks she has really developed her own sweet personality…and has also suddenly begun looking like Debs! I am so privileged to be Auntie Sarah to this sweetie. Rest assured I did campaign incredibly hard for her to be named Sarah…alas she is not a baby Sarah, but Emily May is a true joy!

I don’t thank God enough, but what a blessed girl I am, to get to be Auntie to some lovely little ones.

I am counting down the days until I get to see my other little niece-lets and nephew over in the USA. Just 18 days to go. I’m so excited, but also so unprepared…I have a ton of things to do and really need to get going with them:
…travel insurance
…ESTA (tourist visa)
…exchanging money

As well as general life stuff too! For today though, I am resting resting resting since I got barely 4 hours of sleep last night.

Catch you later

-x-